The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
