so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
