I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
