just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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