Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
