do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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