he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I didn't notice because vodka
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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