I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
