I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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