wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
