I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
