I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
