I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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