She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
