Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
