what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
