Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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