I think my vagina is haunted
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
