I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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