he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
