idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
