Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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