I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
