My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
