Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
