I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize