Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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