I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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