She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
This is the high leading the old right now
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
