I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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