she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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