She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
