So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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