i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
