No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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