God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
