is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
