How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
