What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
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the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
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Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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