Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize