Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
