i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
