My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
