she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
