the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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