I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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