we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Michael Bay diarrhea
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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