I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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