Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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