I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
