I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
