my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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