Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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