thus making me awesome and them whores
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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