1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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