he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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