I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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