I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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