I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
