oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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