I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
