I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
