yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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