I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
