Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
