And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
