the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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