If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
