Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
