Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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