you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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