She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
