I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
